it's valentine's day
It's Valentine's Day.
And I'm typing in a semi-public forum. And by now I know enough to know that I will most likely either win over the girlfriend with words and get pummeled by others, or win over others and get pummeled by the girlfriend.
Uh oh.
But, alas, I feel like typing something so I think I'll just wing it and do something in the holiday spirit.
....
Jerm's thoughts on dating:
Like I said....uh oh.
Before I begin, keep in mind the following:
-this is more or less what i really think
-reading this will definitely offend, bore, and/or nauseate you.
-instead of directly commenting, just send me an email to jermcares@notreally.com
-um, maybe i shouldn't even do this...
-the Wiz are hanging in there
-I spend too much time playing poker
-that school thing is getting old
-you can't spell conceited without the "i"
-if you're still here, you may as well read on...
-d'oh
Here goes. 5 thoughts:
1. Be somebody.
-Most people think more highly of themselves than other people do of them. And everyone's always looking to move up when they date. Pretty disastrous circumstances. And funny to watch too...well, until you have listen to everyone complain about it. Then it's just irritating and you piss people off by saying what you're thinking, but let me stick to the rant I already started...
-You can't always be gorgeous so you better have something desirable going on. And by something, I mean more than a good relationship with your mom and a kick-ass defensive play-calling scheme on Madden '95.
-The more the better
*be skillful at several useful things and a handful of totally useless things (like being able to cook, provide, protect, construct, execute plans....basically anything that either your gender or the other gender values, especially if they both respect or desire it for different reasons).
*be creative but not depressing
*be unique but not too weird
*confidence-----> you<--------------------------------self-doubt
2. Find what you're looking for.
-aka look for someone who's busy being somebody special.
-This involves having a flexible framework of what you want and dating freely.
-Don't be too inclusive and don't be too exclusive. Those you date may turn out to be wonderful, but if they're not, they will surely resurface in the future when you're with someone who is wonderful.
-Know where you fit in this world. As mentioned, everyone's looking to date up. Occasionally, you can do too well for yourself. Then you're screwed. We all know that guy with the disproportionately successful and hot girlfriend that makes him go crazy trying to keep her. Buddy, you can't. You just cooked yourself by going too far up the foodchain. Why do you think everyone looks at you guys twice when you enter the room together? You would have done it too before you snagged your woman.
3. Make it work for both of you.
-Marx believed that everything could be defined as a struggle for power. Of course he also thought Communism was the answer we all needed. So believe what you will about this, but the reality is that what you do early determines what is expected of you from thereon. And we all know it doesn't. So while Jane is giving you doe eyes and handjobs everyday, are you doing things you won't be doing when the seasons change? Because she probably is, and you have hard times ahead when you get unrealistic expectations in the honeymoon period. Just be yourself. Totally. If he/she doesn't like it, what's the problem? Eventually, you'll find the person that likes you for who you are, and you'll be glad you didn't give what's-her-face massages for 3 months straight before you realized you hated her when she wasn't giving you those doe eyes and handjobs anymore.
4. Accept what you have for what it's worth.
-If what you have is perfect, it's not. You're an idiot for thinking that, or you're in that honeymoon period and your friends hate your nonstop updates. Seriously, find 3 honest friends and ask them what they hate about your relationship. You'll see.
-Relationships move quickly. "How did this happen?" you may ask. So it's not perfect. And neither is he/she. And God knows you're not. So figure out something...are you happy? Happier than you were? Than you'd like to be? What's the alternative? Make a change if you need to. Figure out what to do to get where you want if you're not there yet, or if you're slipping. But just do it. Don't whine to your friends. Don't blame anyone else. Do what you have to do. More quality time. More (or less) sports. Go spend too much money on a dinner somewhere you hate. Why not? If you've gotten this far and you're happy, and on par with REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS, then you're lucky. You're in a good place.
-Don't fuck it up with thoughts of trading up. It's a losing battle when you think like that.
-Evaluate constantly and....
5. Enjoy what you've got, or move on until you do.
-If you're happy with who you are, and you demand to find someone special to spend your time with, hold onto it when you've found it. Just be happy with being happy for once. If it's not what you thought or not what you wanted (and you have realistic expectations), don't get caught up. You live once. Is it really going to be with someone you're settling with? It surely shouldn't be.
So maybe easier said than done, right? Perhaps.
Scorecard:
1. Happy with who I am.
2. She's beautiful and dedicated to a life of family and personal fulfillment. Doesn't care that her efforts are generally underappreciated by others. She hopes for luck but doesn't count on it. She outworks people. She supports others when they need it, and when they don't. She treads lightly and smiles brilliantly. Banters freely and debates fiercely, eschews grudges and loves whole-heartedly. Knows how to be loved, and values gestures intending to show it.
3. Stand strong, be honest, speak openly, compromise when applicable.
4. Not perfect, but more than satisfying, and as much as one could realistically hope for.
5. Enjoying what it is now, and appreciating where it's going.
Christine, you know my thoughts on our relationship, but for any others that cared or ever wondered why you put up with me...well, they still probably will.
But it's better to make my friends wretch over my words for you than for me to get raped $90 for flowers and candy this time of year.
And I'm typing in a semi-public forum. And by now I know enough to know that I will most likely either win over the girlfriend with words and get pummeled by others, or win over others and get pummeled by the girlfriend.
Uh oh.
But, alas, I feel like typing something so I think I'll just wing it and do something in the holiday spirit.
....
Jerm's thoughts on dating:
Like I said....uh oh.
Before I begin, keep in mind the following:
-this is more or less what i really think
-reading this will definitely offend, bore, and/or nauseate you.
-instead of directly commenting, just send me an email to jermcares@notreally.com
-um, maybe i shouldn't even do this...
-the Wiz are hanging in there
-I spend too much time playing poker
-that school thing is getting old
-you can't spell conceited without the "i"
-if you're still here, you may as well read on...
-d'oh
Here goes. 5 thoughts:
1. Be somebody.
-Most people think more highly of themselves than other people do of them. And everyone's always looking to move up when they date. Pretty disastrous circumstances. And funny to watch too...well, until you have listen to everyone complain about it. Then it's just irritating and you piss people off by saying what you're thinking, but let me stick to the rant I already started...
-You can't always be gorgeous so you better have something desirable going on. And by something, I mean more than a good relationship with your mom and a kick-ass defensive play-calling scheme on Madden '95.
-The more the better
*be skillful at several useful things and a handful of totally useless things (like being able to cook, provide, protect, construct, execute plans....basically anything that either your gender or the other gender values, especially if they both respect or desire it for different reasons).
*be creative but not depressing
*be unique but not too weird
*confidence-----> you<--------------------------------self-doubt
2. Find what you're looking for.
-aka look for someone who's busy being somebody special.
-This involves having a flexible framework of what you want and dating freely.
-Don't be too inclusive and don't be too exclusive. Those you date may turn out to be wonderful, but if they're not, they will surely resurface in the future when you're with someone who is wonderful.
-Know where you fit in this world. As mentioned, everyone's looking to date up. Occasionally, you can do too well for yourself. Then you're screwed. We all know that guy with the disproportionately successful and hot girlfriend that makes him go crazy trying to keep her. Buddy, you can't. You just cooked yourself by going too far up the foodchain. Why do you think everyone looks at you guys twice when you enter the room together? You would have done it too before you snagged your woman.
3. Make it work for both of you.
-Marx believed that everything could be defined as a struggle for power. Of course he also thought Communism was the answer we all needed. So believe what you will about this, but the reality is that what you do early determines what is expected of you from thereon. And we all know it doesn't. So while Jane is giving you doe eyes and handjobs everyday, are you doing things you won't be doing when the seasons change? Because she probably is, and you have hard times ahead when you get unrealistic expectations in the honeymoon period. Just be yourself. Totally. If he/she doesn't like it, what's the problem? Eventually, you'll find the person that likes you for who you are, and you'll be glad you didn't give what's-her-face massages for 3 months straight before you realized you hated her when she wasn't giving you those doe eyes and handjobs anymore.
4. Accept what you have for what it's worth.
-If what you have is perfect, it's not. You're an idiot for thinking that, or you're in that honeymoon period and your friends hate your nonstop updates. Seriously, find 3 honest friends and ask them what they hate about your relationship. You'll see.
-Relationships move quickly. "How did this happen?" you may ask. So it's not perfect. And neither is he/she. And God knows you're not. So figure out something...are you happy? Happier than you were? Than you'd like to be? What's the alternative? Make a change if you need to. Figure out what to do to get where you want if you're not there yet, or if you're slipping. But just do it. Don't whine to your friends. Don't blame anyone else. Do what you have to do. More quality time. More (or less) sports. Go spend too much money on a dinner somewhere you hate. Why not? If you've gotten this far and you're happy, and on par with REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS, then you're lucky. You're in a good place.
-Don't fuck it up with thoughts of trading up. It's a losing battle when you think like that.
-Evaluate constantly and....
5. Enjoy what you've got, or move on until you do.
-If you're happy with who you are, and you demand to find someone special to spend your time with, hold onto it when you've found it. Just be happy with being happy for once. If it's not what you thought or not what you wanted (and you have realistic expectations), don't get caught up. You live once. Is it really going to be with someone you're settling with? It surely shouldn't be.
So maybe easier said than done, right? Perhaps.
Scorecard:
1. Happy with who I am.
2. She's beautiful and dedicated to a life of family and personal fulfillment. Doesn't care that her efforts are generally underappreciated by others. She hopes for luck but doesn't count on it. She outworks people. She supports others when they need it, and when they don't. She treads lightly and smiles brilliantly. Banters freely and debates fiercely, eschews grudges and loves whole-heartedly. Knows how to be loved, and values gestures intending to show it.
3. Stand strong, be honest, speak openly, compromise when applicable.
4. Not perfect, but more than satisfying, and as much as one could realistically hope for.
5. Enjoying what it is now, and appreciating where it's going.
Christine, you know my thoughts on our relationship, but for any others that cared or ever wondered why you put up with me...well, they still probably will.
But it's better to make my friends wretch over my words for you than for me to get raped $90 for flowers and candy this time of year.
posted by jerm at 17:07
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