Everyone around me has lost their heads openly and outwardly, overcome with the burdens of their current rigors.
And though I experienced that a couple weeks ago, I have been feeling pretty good about it all lately, what, with planning being the solution to a busy schedule.
But then in class today I remembered a dream I had last night where an old friend and I were at some beach at night and we.....
Ready for this, because it's pretty odd?
Okay....
So we were on the beach. It was nighttime and the light was poor. I believe there was a fire nearby. Sounds nice except we were in a situation of having to fight to the death. Thinking of the absurdity of it, that how could we as friends possibly do such a thing, especially with unknown consequences, my old friend lunged forward with murderous intent. And in quick response, I avoided him and slid an 12 inch knife into his chest, then again, then as he fell to his knees, I repeated it until he was gone...
So maybe I'm a little more at wit's end than I'm giving myself credit for.
P.S.--I am not a ticking bomb.
P.S.S.--I will not say which friend, but if you're reading this, you probably wouldn't know him.
I'm not at peace with ending this post yet. I have no doubt that this will surely end up as one of the 10 random posts placed on blogger's main page, and I will be judged by strangers, but that's fine. I did a lot of reading about dream symbolism and the such in high school. I had some pretty crazy dreams then too (though not involving murder ;) ), and was curious what I could find out. Never finding anything too satisfactory, I haven't looked at those books since, and have concluded that dreams are a mix of your current internal environment and randomly spliced tidbits from your recent external environment. That's what disturbs me about this dream. It was totally random and I don't know what to make of it. Surely most people would dismiss it and that would be the end of it, and if this post fails to instigate conversation about it, then I probably won't give it another thought beyond tomorrow either. But still...the easy guess would be repressed aggression and the such, but I like to think I get my aggression out pretty quickly when it comes, and that I do it in fairly healthy ways. So now what? Well, probably nothing. I guess it's just paradoxically disturbing and rewarding to think of the things you are capable of when you really need to count on yourself to do the tough thing. And maybe really this friend's image was just my brain's feeble, mistaken attempt to bring consciousness to this last block of material, and the boards, and my mom's cancer treatment, and the wedding planning, and the moving, along with all the backgroud distractions and hurdles with which we are always embattled. And hopefully, instead of reacting instantly to it lunging at me by attacking back, I can be smarter and go get my homeboys (i.e., you guys) and we can get through this together. And just like that I'm feeling better about this dream.
Maybe next time I'll just tell a joke or something...
