Fortune cookie

Went to a drug company lunch today. Chinese, per usual. Boring and not so good, but free, right?

Anyhow, I open a fortune cookie to find the following:
"You will get what you desire if your expectations are not too great".

This in itself is bad enough. I thought China was in an economic upswing. Maybe this economic democracy/governmental communism model really is no good.

Neo-Confusciusism promotes low standards? Think of the implications.
-Shoot for stars, failure disgrace family.
-Even China need yes-men.
-Crush Tibet!
-Try marry doctor, be town whore.
-Big famiry eat smarrer portions. (sorry, had to do it just once...yes i'm a big racist...see earlier post for excuse)

At the end of a big fatty unsatisfying meal, you eagerly open this mystical cookie. Something seeded in childhood lets this ritual be a source of entertainment somehow. Probably one of the few times a kid will actually eagerly read anything at all in fact. (Tangent: I should make a fortune cookie video game. I'd need to incorporate guns, blood, ginormous-breasted females, and a few other stereotypes but these illiterate dummies will still buy it with their divorced parents' "love me best" money). So anyways, you're fat and lazy and looking for not just old school entertainment, but maybe even a little sage inspiration. Fortune cookies used to say--well for one, they used to always start out with "Confuscius say..."--something vague and nice, like, "Confuscius say Spring come first to those who smile". I mean, who the hell really even knows what that's supposed to do for you, but you leave a little bigger tip and smiling broadly like an idiot at every stranger you pass for the next 3 minutes. Great. Whatever. What's good enough for Confuscius is good enough for you.

Then some college kids decided that Confuscius' wisdom was deeper (pun intended) when applied to sex. Fantastic. All the more entertaining...and for Neil (whose culture wrote a little book called the Kama Sutra), perhaps even a bit inspirational. Then the Neo-Confuscius fortunes began and it all went to hell.

"You will get what you desire if your expectations are not too great...in bed".

Okay.

Partner A: "Honey, let's do missionary when we have sex on the 15th of this month like usual."
Partner B: "Let's not set ourselves up for failure. You know what Neo-Confuscius would say. Just go ahead without me. Less to go wrong that way."
Partner A: "Wow, you're always thinking...better cut back on that before people expect it!"


You get my point.

This fortune was a failure. I'd better grab another.

"You enjoy sports, horses, and gambling but not in excess"...in bed.

Read that again.


Wow.
-"$3 at 2:1 odds says I can get my legs behind my own head."
-Team Jerm calls for a 30 second timeout. What a great tactical decision. Coach really needs to draw up a play to get the momentum back.
-Jerm's still paying dearly for picking the wrong team to go all the way in last week's round robin tournament.
-Both of these teams have really been going at it all night. It's awfully tight. And here they come. I don't know. So close. A photo finish!
-And the horse thing.






















How'd they know?








And like a fortune cookie, here's your reward. It's both theft from my brother as well as advertising for his blog (now in the links section). I just started reading it but it's hilarious.

Click for reward.